How to Have the 'What Are We?' Conversation With a Guy You're Dating

The first step to any relationship is having the proper “what are we?” discussion—and having it at the right time. Just this conversation alone—or lack thereof—can say a lot about your future relationship potential.

It’s the thing that must be done, but also the thing that nobody wants to do. It's the moment when the casual fun of past dates, sleepovers, and time spent together will potentially end—or possibly blossom into something bigger. Both men and women have a fear of “the talk” for the same reason: once it’s made known that somebody wants more, it might also be made known that the other person wants out. Or just wants nothing more than the casual fun you've been having. And then the whole situation just becomes, well, awkward.

So, to give you a little guidance on avoiding that awkward moment, I'd advise you to consider the following two questions: 

-Who do you think should initiate the conversation—and are you willing to do it if you have to? 

-How far into dating do you think this talk should take place? Is your current situation there yet?

If you answered Yes to both questions, there's only one more thing to consider before having the talk: Even if you are ready to put yourself on the line and your emotions on the table, the man you are seeing may not be. As long as you're willing to accept that he might not be thinking about taking things to the next level, it's fine to initiate an open dialogue (as long as it's not after the first, second, or third date!). Remember also that just because you are devoting time to this guy and have feelings for him doesn't necessarily mean he's “the one.” I once dated a woman that didn't even like me very much (I didn't find that out until later), but she convinced herself that commitment was the inevitable next step when I brought it up—and the relationship went nowhere. Never settle! If someone doesn't want to be with you, accept their honesty and move on to someone who does. And if you're the one who's not sure about exclusivity, be up front about that when you're asked as well instead of just going along with it.

Look at having the talk as a blessing—you'll evaluate the prospect of any future relationship before trapping yourself into something that might not be right.